This is for all my moms out there learning to code. Happy Mothers Day!

“How do you do it? How do you momlife and codelife at the same time? How do you not lose your mind?” Here’s the thing, you have to a little bit.

You have to lose that part of your mind that tells you the house needs to be perfect. You have to lose that part of your mind that tells you that you have to be 24-7 entertainment for your kids. You need to lose that part of your mind that tells you that you aren’t good and strong enough to break into the tech industry. And then you have to hustle because you a a motivation that most new college grads don’t: your family.

A Day in the Life

When you love it, you live it. And that’s how I start everyday. Not worrying about my kids and my family, because this 5:00am hour is my time. Me-time. I’m a morning person, so this might be flipped for you if you’re a night owl. But in that time, I sit in front of my MacBook in the dark and I code. I make as little noise as possible, because this tiny house sends the creaks to every bedroom. I haven’t seen A Quiet Place, but I imagine that’s how I behave in the morning until 7:00am rolls around that switches to momlife.

But look, momlife, isn’t too far removed from worklife. This is where soft-skills are built. Try negotiating vegetables for lunch with a three year old. Want to talk working in a face-paced environment, setting priorities, and being versatile? Try dealing with a one year old running down the hallway after she just took off her poopy diaper while you’re making homemade meatballs with your three year old. Or dealing with a house of four kids with the flu. It wouldn’t be too out of character to hear me singing to myself, “just keep swimming.” And then it hits.

Naptime.

Here’s when my brain does the quick switch. One year old down, three year old occupied, I’ve got an hour and twenty minutes to jump on the exercise bike and code. And my brain knows I have to be ready. There’s no easing into it. I’m jumping into the 65deg water and making it to the other side.

Then it’s time to pick up the eight and six year olds. And I’m basically repeating my momlife routine with sixty-seven meltdowns between then and bedtime. I do some light coding/twitter Q&As before bed, but by then my brain is usually broken and I’m EXHAUSTED.

Form Good Habits

I’ve been coding for 129 days straight. Maybe more, but that’s the one New Year’s Resolution I’ve kept. It works for me, because it’s predictable during those couple hours of the day. No guessing what needs to get done. And I want to do it. I have not reached a point where I dread getting up to code. It feels like a sprint most days, but I find it’s sustainable for about six weeks. Then I need to do something fun. Take the kids to a local event. Have dinner with another family. I still code those days, but probably only an hour.

I recently was in one of those breakdown states, and I was talking to another mom. She homeschools her seven children, and before moving to town owned a gymnastics gym and taught in her amazing program. She’s down-to-earth and always kind. She said to me, “You can do it. It’s not all going to be perfect, but it will get done.” I think sometimes it’s important to remember that mentors can come from anywhere in life. Another mom of five who has a FT job and is working on a PhD in Mathematics told me, “Bekah, you’re in the thick of it right now with little ones at home, remember that.” You have to know what you can give up. I know that I can’t give up healthy meals, but I can give up making sure the living room is clean before I go to bed. Of course there are other things, but setting priorities is a huge step in mental well-being when you don’t stop all day.

Here’s my takeaway: Put in the effort you can, and don’t be too hard on yourself. Coding is a lot like parenting, there are really great moments and moments that make you doubt you can move forward. But you don’t give up on your kids. You figure it out, and then they’re on to the next stage. And at the end of the day, you’ve learned something new, even if it’s just that your six year old has a new favorite color or that using DevTools will save you so much time. Remember to just keep swimming.

Happy Mothers Day.