Look, if you’re a parent, I don’t have to tell you that life is hard with kids. It’s hard when they’re a baby, it’s hard when they’re adolescents, it’s hard when they’re teenagers. It’s hard. But let’s add to that. Let’s add a career change and learning to code. You’re begging to be (even more) overwhelmed, to feel like you can’t do one more thing, to feel completely inadequate, but you’re not. What you are is a superhero, a person willing to take on a new challenge, to grow, to push yourself to your limit, to be a person you never knew you were capable of.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Because if we can raise decent human beings, if we can handle a house full of people who have the flu, if we can handle making 9,700 snacks a year, if we can handle every one of our children melting down or having a crisis, we can handle the pressure of learning to code. People always message me asking how I do it all. My response is usually, you do what you do when you have to. It doesn’t mean I’m the best at everything (my house is usually classified as a disaster area), but I prioritize my goals and I get stronger the harder it gets.

If you’ve read my blog, or twitter, or IG, or have talked to me in any capacity, then you’ll know that I went through a trauma two years ago where my uterus ruptured into my bladder after delivering my fourth child. This horrific experience led to major surgery and depression, panic attacks, and PTSD. Chances are you haven’t gone through this. But chances are, you have gone through something that intensely challenged you, and at some point, you wondered how you would get through it. This is your thing. Keep it in your back pocket for those times in your coding when self-doubt creeps in, telling you that you aren’t smart enough, that this is a ridiculous goal, that no one will ever hire you. Pull that thing out of your back pocket and say, “I can do this.”

And in those times where it’s not self-doubt, where there aren’t enough hours in the day, ask yourself these questions:

-Am I taking care of my physical and mental health? To get my brain working best, it’s been important for me to take care of all of me. This currently includes eating healthy and taking medicine for under-producing hormones, mostly my thyroid. Recently, I’ve traded an hour of coding a day for three miles of running instead. Even though I’ve lost an hour, I am so much more productive and focused when I do code.

-What am I willing to give up? Netflix at night? Weekly dinner with friends? That extra hour of sleep? (I only recommend that if you get 8+ hours a night.) More time on social media?

-Are there things I can do ahead of time to save me time? Most of this, for me, has to do with meal planning and prep, teaching my kids to do chores, and sticking to a routine.

-Where can I simplify my life? In other words, how can you KonMari your life?

These will all look different for everyone, but they can help you to bring your best self forward to your family and your code. You’ll still be exhausted and have self-doubt some of the days, but make sure it’s not most of them. Another part of this journey is finding your support network. Maybe that’s your partner, your colleagues or a network like Moms Can: Code or CodeNewbie. But find the people who will lift you up when you feel like you’re going to fall off of that tightrope where you’ve been juggling all of the things you have to do every day. Find someone who’s not afraid to tell you that you’re doing too much or someone who can look at your schedule and say, “hey, you could probably fit in three more hours a week if you tried.”

I know you’re amazing and you have powers if you’re parenting and learning to code. Stick with it, even when it’s hard and when it seems too hard, remember, you’re a parent and you literally have kept a human being alive. You can do this.